The Wristwatch Theorem

Years ago during one of my recent trips to the V.I.P. section of the friend zone, I came to the conclusion that… my game needed work. A LOT of work to be frank, my problem was that I was (and still kinda am) completely oblivious to body language. I might as well have face blindness because when I was talking to the opposite sex I didn’t know if they were annoyed with me, or if they were busy and didn’t want to talk, or if they were madly in love with me. I approached them all! Like I previously stated, after my last trip to the friend zone I went back to the drawing board. It wasn’t until one of my high school friends came home for summer break did I get some very interesting advice. He was no ladies man either (back in high school at least), but he had a lot to tell me about body language. For starters if you see anyone with their head down on their phone in a social environment, they clearly do not want to be bothered. Ok no brainer, I kind of already knew that (kind of). He went on for a while about things that I’ve heard from every walk of life. His last nugget of wisdom was his “Wristwatch Theorem”. This is what intrigued me the most. He said that if I’m out at a lounge, a bar, a nightclub, really anywhere, and I see a woman that I’m attracted to; check to see if she’s wearing a wristwatch. If they are your chances of snowballing a conversation are tripled! Now this sounded ridiculous, and I let him know HOW ridiculous that nonsense sounded, but he went on to ask me how many people let alone woman wear wristwatches anymore, and not “smart watches” he was talking about old school minute hand, second hand watches .

Admittedly most woman I see aren’t wearing wristwatches, I see a few but not many. He said that most women aren’t going to wear a watch because it’s just as easy to check your phone, and then return those text messages… and then return that IG comment… then return that like for a like on FB etc. If she’s wearing a watch she might be a little more traditional, she might not be super concerned with superficialities, she might be more partial to a conversation in person, and I might have a chance to peak her interest without a bunch of lies. I dismissed this “theorem” and pushed it out of my mind entirely. One day weeks after my conversation with my old friend from high school, I was in the grocery store dealing with the life decision of whether to get smart water or a water with a GED; when a beautiful woman pushes her cart down my aisle and study’s the selection of water. I muster up the courage to make a corny joke about the water (the same joke from the previous line), and she laughs hard covering her mouth with her hand. I get a good look at her hand too, and guess what? Wristwatch. Lucky guess.